


regrets, i've had a few

by befham



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 8x05, F/M, Sibling Incest, Spoilers, You Have Been Warned, fuck this whole show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 15:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18813406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/befham/pseuds/befham
Summary: Jaime Lannister is a man with many regrets.But loving his sister is not one of them.Jaime's final thoughts.





	regrets, i've had a few

**Author's Note:**

> spoilers for 8x05.
> 
> i adore jaime lannister, i really do, but wtaf has this show done to him in this last season?! seven seasons of character development have been chucked out the window! i loved that last scene with him and cersei but she definitely deserved a better death. my boy jaime should have gone out with a bang, or better yet he should have stayed in winterfell with the gorgeous brienne instead of going of to die like a dick and breaking her heart. it would have been worth it if he'd gone off to kill his sister but NOOOOO he had to go and be a lovesick idiot and die at her side.
> 
> fuck you d&d for ruining an amazing character.
> 
> kudos to the cast, they have acted this shit out of the worst script on tv. lena and nikolaj were amazing in their last scene together.
> 
> anyway, i like to think that it all wasn't for nothing. i hope that jaime's final thoughts just were not for his sister.

The moment they stumble towards the tunnels and find it blocked, he knows that there is no way out of this. His sister, his dear, hateful sister who has held his heart in the palm of her hands from the moment they entered this world, looks at him in wretched agony as she realizes that this is it. This is the end She pleads and begs for him to find a way out, to find a way for them to live, for their babe because she doesn’t want to die-

Neither does he, and yet there is nothing to be done. 

Jaime stares at his sister in defeat and calmly accepts their fate. Just for a second, he closes his eyes and wills the world away.

Jaime Lannister is a man with many regrets.

He regrets that the world will remember him as nothing more than the Kingslayer, a man without honor or value.

He regrets that he did not succeed in killing the Dragon Queen when he had the opportunity. The girl was every bit as mad as her father.

He regrets that because of him, a boy far in the North will never walk again, will never father a child of his own.

He regrets that he will not get more time with Tyrion, his smart, kind brother who is the best man he has ever known. He prays that he will be safe and that he will get the happiness he deserves. 

He regrets that every single one of his children are dead and that he could not save even one of them, even the child that Cersei carries in her belly who would never take his first breath in this wretched world.

He regrets that he is not a better man, that he could not be the man that Brienne thought him to be.

He regrets that he hurt Brienne, kind, beautiful Brienne of Tarth, who’s sobs had echoed in his ear every step towards Kings Landing, her tear streaked face haunting his every waking moment and his fitful dreams, pleading with him to choose a life with her over a death sentence with his sister. 

_ I’m sorry, _ he thinks once again, his heart longing for those cold nights in Winterfell where he had known true happiness for a brief time.

Brienne, the most pure hearted knight in all of the realm who believed with all of her heart that he was a good man. And perhaps with her he could have been. His beautiful Brienne with a heart of gold. They could have had a good life together, perhaps staying in that frozen wasteland spending their days protecting Sansa Stark and loving one another. Perhaps traveling Westeros or even crossing the Narrow Sea, helping those that needed aid together. Perhaps settling down in Tarth and having a babe or two with his golden curls and her fantastic blue eyes-

Jaime pushes the image away, the thought too painful to bear.

He would have ruined her, he assures himself, and so he made the only decision that made sense to him, the only chance that the two women who held his heart survived this.

Brienne, the woman who made him want to be a good man, and Cersei, the woman who made him want to kill every man alive until it was just them.

For yes he loved his pure hearted knight and he craved the life he imagined that they could have had together. But Cersei was his sister, his family, his heart, he could not bear live in a world without her.

_ Forgive me, Brienne,  _ he pleads silently.

He has always belonged to Cersei, and he had known the moment he had set eyes on her once more that he had made the right decision. He is every bit as despicable as his sister, and yet knowing that they are to face certain death together, he does not regret being by her side in these final moments.

Jaime opens his eyes.

“I don’t want to die,” Cersei says, her voice trembling, and Jaime forces himself to push all thoughts of his regrets, his brother and Brienne away. 

This is the choice he made.

And so Jaime pulls Cersei into his arms for the last time, his eyes pricking with tears as he watches his beautiful sister breath before his eyes. “Look at me,” he demands.

Cersei clutches onto him desperately. “Not like this,” Cersei breathes, and for a moment beneath her terror and despair, he sees his strong beautiful sister, the woman who would burn the entire world just so that they could live and love without judgement.

Jaime tightens his grip on her. “Look at me,” he demands again, his breaths coming faster as he hears the walls around them crumble, getting closer and closer. “ Look me in the eye. Don’t look away, don’t look,” he says tightly, and then she does look at him, his beautiful, hateful sister.

“Nothing else matters, only us,” Jaime says, and Cersei sobs in his arms, her cheek resting against his.

Jaime Lannister is a man with many regrets.

But loving his sister is not one of them. 

He will get his wish in the end, dying in the arms of the woman that he loves.

And so here they stand, wrapped in one another's arms as it all comes to an end. 

It is only fitting, he thinks as the walls crumble around them, that they are leaving this world in exactly the same way that they entered it.

_ Together. _


End file.
